The Lord is directing my husband, but what about me?

As a christian couple, we walk this life together with the Lord. We of course each have our own relationship with God, but also with our spouse as "one flesh". I have prayed for some time now that my hubby would be blessed and I am thrilled to watch the process he's going through, yet I suppose I feel a bit left behind.

I know it sounds selfish and silly like a little child whining, "but what about me". It just seems that every time I try to spend time with the Lord something always interrupts or I have to be somewhere or there's constant distraction. At the same time I'm watching my "other half" be able to sit around all day and read, pray, reflect, and witness.

I hate me sometimes. I fight the feeling that maybe God won't use me because I'm just not able to be used. I have a bad attitude. I'm lazy. I'm afraid. I haven't been paying my tithes like I should. I have a temper. I'm judgemental. I hold grudges. I'm not a good friend. I'm not a people person. I'm not.......I'm just not good enough.

Forgive me Jesus.

I am thankful to be a cleaning lady---most of the time

I was just visiting Heavenly Homemakers and realized it's Gratituesday again so here's what's on my heart right now.

I've been working a couple hours per night as a cleaning lady (sanitary engineer) :) and I get a little down sometimes. I'm not used to having a job since I was a stay-at-home mom for six years. It's not that it's such an awful place to work, but I just have a bad attitude. So to try and combat that mentality I feel the need to list why I am thankful----

I am thankful to have a job that doesn't take me away from family time
I am thankful for the extra money since my husband is laid off
I am thankful for working with good people
I am thankful for every weekend off!!!

Mostly, I am thankful that this situation makes me depend on the Lord for His strength because I cannot get through each day without Him!

Playoff time! GO CAVS!!!!

Ok, so we recently went to our first NBA game. Our family loves basketball so this was a big deal!
God is so good and gives more than we deserve. It was cool enough just to get to go, but let me tell you what happened while we were there.

We had decent seats, but not really close to the court. So while the team was warming up before the game we went down and asked the security guard if we could get closer and try to get autographs. He showed us where to go and wait, right by the tunnel were the team comes out. So we went down and each time someone would walk by, everyone rushed over and blocked us out.
I prayed, while I held what felt like 50 coats, that my boys (the big and little one) would get at least one signature. There was this sweet lady who worked at the arena. She saw my little boy and squeezed him in front of the other people so he could get an autograph from "Boobie" Gibson. Awesome!!! We were tickled pink!

Now, for the best part---Finally the lady told everyone to go back to their seats and the autograph session was over. While people were clearing out, she came over and whispered to me to stay put. She told us that we could sit there until the "King" came out. We were right beside the tunnel where LeBron comes on the court! We freaked out!!!!
Right before the whole team walked out, the nice lady lifted up my son and put him down in the tunnel so he could high five all the Cavaliers as they came by. He looked so little standing there as these huge basketball players tapped his little hand! What a dream come true!!! I give God the glory for giving us blessings even beyond what we ask!
We have a memory that will last forever!

God is good

I am always amazed at how God takes trials and turns them into His glory. I feel so blessed to go through hard times and watch Him provide and comfort just as He has promised. When we finally learn to let go and let God, we can find peace in any circumstance.

My husband had been laid off, but the Lord gave me a job that is exactly what we need. We have let go of our big county house with all the land to downsize to a small rental closer to our families--and for the first time in months, there is peace. The grass really isn't always greener.
Through others, we have been generously blessed with food, clothes, gas money, bonus pay on my check, gift cards and support. I cannot believe the outpouring of love we have felt.
Glory to God!

What comfort zone?

Just want to share my heart. I am at a point in my life where I feel lost. I've been a stay-at-home mom for six years and now that my son is in school, I can't seem to find my place. When he was a baby, my world revolved around him. Toddler years were a blast! We had an adventure every day. There were projects and so many tiny moments of learning and laughter. We were inseparable. I knew what he needed and could provide it. I was MOM, period.

I love to see how my little baby has grown. I love the things we do together now and the way he can communicate. I am so proud of how smart he is, but I miss him. It's not just that he physically has to be away from me, it is the fact that he seems more and more to be to busy for cuddles. Kisses are less frequent. Tender moments, while still there, are slowly turning to wrestling and rowdy boy play. We have had more questions about typical six year old curiosity (if you know what I mean). Instead of giggles, I see eye rolls and crossed arms. He's normal. He's six. He's not a baby, but always MY baby.

I know it sounds stupid. Why am I surprised that my kid is growing up? What did I think would happen? My head knew it would come, but my heart didn't even want to hear it. How did we get here so fast? I did my best to cherish every moment, yet still, the time flew by.
Now the love of my life leaves me each day to grow a little more. I have had to start working again to make ends meet, but they never do. We have tried for over two years to have another child, but I guess that is just not what the Lord wants right now. I feel lost. I used to have the "mom" thing down. I loved staying home. It was familiar. I've not been to this place before. Jesus, please guide me.

What women want-----does anyone know?

Allow me to vent if you will. Ever since I've graduated high school and gotten married, I have struggled to find true female friends. I never really had too many to begin with because I used to hang out more with the guys in school. Girls always involved drama and mood swings that I just didn't want to deal with, still don't.

When I became a christian, I lost pretty much all of my old friends and just haven't seemed to find the right fit. My husband is my best friend. Next in line is my mother and sister-in-law, basically all family members. I have had too many "outsiders" either take advantage of me or flat out turn on me to be able to trust anyone beyond my circle.

I do realize I'm not the perfect friend, not even close. I guess I just don't understand what adult friends are supposed to do. Most women I've been friends with seem to still want the "high school" relationship where we're joined at the hip. That is fine for young single ladies, but come on, we've got families now. I make no apologies for putting my husband and son first and then the rest of my family. Friends should not come with obligation where I have to answer to someone or defend my choice not to talk on the phone every day.

If you can tell, I've had a recent falling out with a so-called friend. I was blindsided, which is a specialty of the female gender. I know I'm not completely innocent. I've made mistakes and even apologized for them. The only conclusion I can come to is that everything happens for a reason. True colors were revealed and as they say, "another one bites the dust".

Why are women so difficult? Let's stop tearing each other apart.

I'm doing it---by the grace of God

Well, from I can't do this, to I have to do this--- I am doing it. My son has now been in school for two months, turned six, and lost his first tooth.( Ok, remember to breathe. Stay calm......ah, that's better. ) Yes, it's still hard to be away from him, but he's doing great and I give God the glory. I got around the whole bus issue by taking and picking him up each day. That gives us more peace than shipping off. Plus I am blessed to be able to take part in class parties and have joined the PTO so I'm able to keep a good eye on things happening at the school.

I just don't know when this will all feel normal. How long until it sinks in? It reminds me of when I first started driving and I couldn't wait until I could just drive without thinking about each move to make. Although we're doing it, it still doesn't come naturally. I even looked into home schooling just as an option if the whole "school thing" didn't work out, but my sweet little boy reassured me that he likes school and would miss his friends.

I am so thankful that the Lord has helped all of us through this new phase of life. I don't even hear complaining anymore on school days and get this---when I picked him up early from school last week, he begged me to let him stay so he could have more fun. What joy to know that when I let go of my child's hand, God is still holding the other one.
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